The Steamtug Blog

The  mountain was calling… It’s the mecca for Hoons, bogans, wodgies, widgies, yahoos and pissheads. Mt Panorama in Bathurst has been the home of the super cars since before I was born, and it was time to pay homage to the great god Peter Brock (9 times Bathurst winner, crashed and died 2006). It’s well worth the 11 hour drive with typical scenes between Cootamundra and Wagga-wagga of the yellow fields of canola contrasted with the purple of the noxious Patterson’s curse, and the occasional blue tongue lizard or snake trying to cross the road. And as we were driving, we were sparing a thought for our poor brothers in flood stricken Pakistan, where apparently satellite photos reveal the whole country looks like a giant bowl of coco-pops!

I had been dreaming for months about the ride to Bathirst… whoops spelling!!! I mean Bathurst, and I wanted to ride my bike on this 900 km pilgrimage, but as things turned out we ended up having to drive up. I was fortunate enough to convince me Mum to lend us her caravan but at the 11^th hour there was no car to tow it. Of course the caravan was an essential part of our survival strategy, because we had 3 beer kegs hidden under the beds inside. With all that beer stacked behind the rear axles, the caravan wagged it’s tail like a dog all the way up, but towed like a dream coming home.

But things are very different on the mount to what they used to be. Please don’t read too much negativity into this, because it was a fantastic weekend with some great male bonding time with “ya mates”. But it was just unusual to see so many police where before the hoons had the upper hand. Over the entire weekend, I did not see even 1 car set on fire. Nobody did burn outs around the camp site, no flaming toilet rolls lighting up the night sky, or horizontal fireworks.

With the big clamp down and clean up came the new beer restrictions. Only 1 case of beer per person per day. A man is not a camel! How is it possible to survive and remain hydrated through such severe conditions? And old cars with only a few months left on their registration were unfairly discriminated against and suspected of being taken on a one way trip to the mountain to be sacrificed to the V8 gods.

Instead of the madness and mayhem, there were young kiddies playing on the new playground which had built in the camp area, wives and girlfriends wandered around, and the chicks out strutting their stuff where disappointed that none of the blokes behind the fences of their camp compounds didn’t shout out “Show is your bits!” It was so tame, Goofa suggested around the campfire that next year he might bring his wife, until he was pelted with empty beer cans to bring him to his senses.

It’s the cops!

At least the local constabulary had a sense of humour. The camp just down from us were doing quite a bit of hooning. They had this fantastic little train. The engine was a 750cc motorbike engine and the carriages they towed behind it had an esky on wheels, a generator, a sound system, a BBQ, and the best of all, they had a little mini bar set up with an 18 gallon beer keg with temprite, gas bottle and a beer tap on top where the operator poured beers and handed them out to the punters. Well the cops didn’t see the funny side of this. They raided their camp early Saturday morning and found 8 kegs of beer, and many bottles of spirits. The cops made them pour out all the spirits on the happiest tree on the mount then pack up their camp and kicked them out.

On the way back they stopped by our camp. We were all packing darkies as we also had my home made beer in a wheelie bin with gas bottle etc. My beer box on wheels was my contribution to keeping the attitude of my fellow campers on the bright side. We only had 3 kegs of beer, and 18 litres each instead of gallons. Most of the time it was hidden in the caravan and only brought out late at night.

But the cops didn’t really care! They were more interested in Steve’s little camp fires that he built at home with the hope of selling them up there. They were made out of recycled 18 gallon beer kegs, and the cops stopped by for a laugh about where he had stolen the kegs from and were interested in buying one. Then they noticed Steve’s caravan which he built himself and wanted to sell so he could build a better one. The cops laughed and joked with us while Steve handed out his business card before requesting a look inside. “Sure” said Steve “But the kids are still asleep in there. But it’s time they were up, go in and wake them up!” So with 20 coppers standing around the door, 2 went inside as we all pissed ourselves laughing outside. Then we heard the biggest copper say “We have been tipped off that you have cannabis in here” All we could hear next was the 2 boys spluttering as they rubbed their eyes in disbelief. It was hilarious!!!!

Holden Vs Ford

Traditionally, the race had evolved into a Holden verses Ford mentality. (Drunken bogans can’t think beyond 2 choices) This had come about after 30 years of production car racing on the mount, with the Holden factory pitted against the Ford factory (in Geelong) demonstrating their latest model of muscle car hoping the hoons would be impressed enough to tear out and buy the latest Holden (GM) Monaro or GT Falcon (Ford). Other car companies tried to muscle in, like Chrysler’s six pack Charger, and the Japanese too, but this was a race of endurance stretching 1000 kms to the finish and only the fittest would survive.

With this distance pits stops were required for refuelling, tyre changes, worn out brake pads replaced, and even front disc rotors don’t survive on this track which starts at the foot of Mt Panorama, winds it’s way up through the cutting, across the top of the mountain (big hill by European standards), before descending down through some seriously steep drops with wild tight corners onto conrod straight where they can almost reach 300km/hr, arriving back at the start line 6.5 kms later.

The race of today

Things are now so different to those days. The cars (Ford/Holden) are the only ones to survive and I suspect it’s because they had the biggest rivalry and following, so the V8 supercars management have targeted this in their attempt at getting the biggest crowds. Whether Ford or Holden, the cars almost look the same. Even the engines are mostly built by the same company who either start with a Ford or Holden engine block. The rules are so tight now they have almost the same horsepower, and they are nothing like the version you see driving around our countries roads now. With everything so equal, it really comes down to driver ability, pit team organisation and race day strategy.

After a sponsorship deal from a big ethanol company who is trying to get more cars to make the move away from the oil companies, the cars now run E85 which is 85% ethanol. My beer also contains ethanol, so I like to think they are just running on a more refined beer than I do! But instead, they smell like the little donkey steam engine I had as a kid which burnt methylated spirits.

Top 10 shoot out

But none of these facts can detract from the excitement of the weekend starting with the practise sessions where I got to see the gun driver Craig Lowndes, who many years earlier, as a skilled go kart racer, was apprenticed to the grand master and “King of the mountain” Peter Brock, breaking the track record with a very tidy lap of 2 mins and 6 seconds, beating Greg Murphy’s record set 7 years earlier.

Then came the top 10 shoot out on Saturday afternoon. The 10 drivers with the best lap times are invited to compete in a shoot out, doing 1 hot lap for the 10 front positions on the grid. With 2 thirds of the race field being Holdens who were all looking hot, the poor old Ford boys lining the track had been pretty quiet up on the mountain, until the Ford gun driver Mark (Frosty) Winterbottom pulled a lap time that could not be beaten and manage poll position. Little were the Ford boys to know, but it would be the last time they would feel good that weekend.

The big race! 1000 kilometres to victory!!

Over the practise days, my favourite place to sit and watch, was skyline corner almost at the very top of the mountain. It had a dodgy corner where the road dipped down as it turned. With the cars not yet set up and drivers still adjusting roll centre, brake bias, and getting their arses moulded into the seats, they often came into this corner and got a big surprise when the car didn’t behave as predicted. After this corner they ran across to the straight bit on the mountain top where we normally sit and it was amazing to see the top drivers come from the corner and run along the concrete wall with just a cigarette paper between wall and drivers mirror at speeds over 100 miles per hour. Such precision!!! They are truly skilled, but so many cars came to grief here.

One of those drivers was the hero of the Ford camp, Frosty Winterbottom. He was going so well in the race when with about 20 of the 161 laps under his belt he smacked the wall and wobbled along the straight. There were big tattooed men with Ford hats on, crying into their beer can as he limped back to the pits with the circuit commentators saying the race would be over for him. They usually break the strut that holds the whole back axle into the car, but everyone was amazed that only 5 mins later he re-emerged onto the track. He was fortunate to only break the rear wheel rim and not do more damage to the car.

There were really only 4 major incidents throughout the race, the most spectacular was a car that clipped another on the start line and unbeknown to the driver, the tyre valve was damaged and slowly deflating. By the time he got over the mountain and onto the highest speed straight on the way back that the tyre rolled off the rim and the car flipped rolling about 100 times. Dean Fury also crashed sideways into that famous wall right in front of me breaking the front right suspension and skidded along with the locked up broken wheel making sparks across the tarmac and into the kitty litter. There was even a kangaroo hopping across the track barely missing a few cars. You don’t get that in formula 1 racing!

Craig Lowndes eventually wore down the field and with his number 2 car right behind him, turned on the final corner and slowed a little to let his team mate pull along side to pass over the finish line only a whisker ahead for only the third time in the race’s history that a team has finished with both their cars 1 – 2 across the line. It was Holden first, second, third and fourth, with Frosty bringing the first Ford home in 5^th place.

We are already making plans for next year. Maybe we will see you on the mountain next year? Call into our camp and we will shout you a beer from our box as you ration yourself to make your 24 cans stretch 24 hours! It’s certainly good stuff as the young blokes in our camp tell me next morning that by 2am around the campfire, they can’t understand what I’m talking about any more. It’s about that time that I feel fully in control until I notice a cold wet feeling on my leg and realise that I had fallen asleep and my beer had spilled down my leg. Then I know it’s time to go to bed! Seeya.